I grew up with a memory of love between you and mom. I was nurtured with that love from both of you and from the people around me. I was a lucky boy way back then. So spoiled and naughty. But you still love me dearly.
Mom used to tell me stories about you. She was so proud of you and always looked up to you. She said that you were the best man and the best father that we could ever have. You are a good provider, loving, caring and always made us your top priority. That’s what she said.
But, when I started to understand things, maybe I was nine years old that time. That is when I started to notice, that the love story that I once knew changed. Those times when mom just stayed the whole day in the bedroom, because she is not feeling well. Those times that she will sleep with me and not with you because she misses me, those times time that she tried to avoid me that made me think, maybe I’ve been bad or naughty. I thought wrong. She stayed in the bedroom because she doesn’t want anyone to see her eyes so swollen with crying. She was avoiding me because she doesn’t want me to see the sadness in her eyes. She was proud, you know. She always wants everyone to see her happy, to think that she has a perfect life and the perfect family. She doesn’t want to be pitied. That’s what I realize now.
Dad, those times that you came home at 2 am, I was made to believed that you are working overtime. Those times that you are going out with your friends instead of being with us on your only day off, I was made to believe it is a part of your job. Or whenever you are at home, you will just sleep all day, mom said that you are exhausted from work and her always made it sure that I will never go near you or made a noise that might disturb you. You seem to be a hardworking man dad.
There is one thing that keeps bothering me now. you used to have a beautiful story when you started. what made you changed dad? Is it because of me?
Well Dad, there are some things about you that I don’t want to be like when I grow up. When I grow up to be a man, and have a family of my own, I will not do anything that can make my wife cry like you always did to mom. I will always spend time with my wife and kids whenever I can. I will always put them first above my friends, vices, and others.
I want to be a man that when he said “I love you” to a woman, he really mean it. And I will not make promises that I have no intentions of fulfilling. I will never look at another woman than my wife and never will I do anything that can make her jealous and feel ugly. I will always make her feel important and beautiful everyday that we are together. Because that is what I want my mom to feel, and my future daughter to feel. I will never leave them just because of my selfishness like you did to us.
I want to be a man, that someday, my son can say, “Dad, when I grow up, I want to be like you.”